Mouse tries on bank robbery
An Estonian mouse has attempted a daring heist by climbing into an ATM and consuming a few thousand dollars worth of bank notes, presumably to regurgitate them later for a waiting band of mouse criminals.
The alarm was raised when a bank customer made a withdrawal from the machine in Tallinn and ended up with nibbled bank notes.
“We have never heard of anything even remotely like this happening before,” Kristina Tamberg, spokesperson for Hansapank Bank, said.
“At some stage over the weekend the chewed money jammed, and the mouse seems to have spent the rest of the weekend turning the notes into bedding,” she said.
“It probably was attracted by the warmth from the machine and decided to make itself at home.”
Poland to fine divorcees
Politicians in Poland are planning to stem the tide of failed marriages among the country’s citizens by imposing a fine on divorce.
Statistics show that one in three Polish marriages now end in divorce. So the majority PiS party plans to impose a means-tested fine on couples in order to keep them together.
“It costs the same to divorce as a good pair of shoes,” PiS MP Andrzej Symanski said of the present cost of divorce in Poland.
Folklaw believes the plan is poorly conceived; since when has the threatened loss of vast amounts of money prevented people from divorcing? For as comedian Robin Williams once put it, the word ‘divorce’ is, after all, Latin for removing a man’s testicles through his wallet.
Polish University sociologist Dr Krzystof Lecki agreed with Folklaw, saying that “if adults want to get divorced, they will, whatever the costs are”.
“It’s more likely to stop people marrying in the first place than anything else,” he said.
Female lawyer strips for justice
A Kiwi female solicitor could well have made legal history by going topless in court.
Lawyer Janet Robertshawe, 36, from Invercargill, asked for the permission of Palmerston North District Court to strip off in order to allow her client to demonstrate his massaging skills.
The client, an alternative health practitioner, was before the court on allegations that he’d inappropriately fondled some of his patients.
During the demonstration, the thorough procedure caused the towel covering Robertshawe’s modesty to slip away, exposing her breasts to the jury.
“You probably made history today as a barrister and solicitor of the court, so thank you,” Justice L.H.Atkins said.
Not wanting to miss out on the fun, defence counsel Robert Lithgow added that he could promise the courtroom video footage wouldn’t end up on YouTube.
Frat-boys object to free sex show
A curious case of an uninvited masturbating woman is baffling authorities in Michigan, USA.
According to a group of all-male students from Michigan University, a young woman entered their frat-house unannounced and began pleasuring herself on a couch, the Michigan Daily reported.
Now if Folklaw’s understanding of frat-boy living, as gleaned from the finest 1980s college movies, is anything to go by, this event is the sort that would easily constitute the greatest single experience of any young, all-American man’s life.
Well this is where things take an even more unusual turn. The all-male students say they objected to the woman’s display, asked her to leave, and then phoned the police when she wouldn’t comply! Could Porky’s be wrong after all?
According to fraternity president Dan Nye, the students were rudely interrupted from their dinner by the unseemly performance.
“Obviously, she was very disturbed,” a troubled Nye told the paper. “It was not how a normal person would respond to people.”
Giving her name only as ‘Melissa’, the 20 to 30-something-year-old woman refused to leave once asked, but rather continued to occupy herself on the couch for a good half hour, at one point even managing a conversation on her mobile phone.
‘Melissa’ then left wearing naught but a thigh-length black coat, eluding police who arrived to protect the quivering frat-boys from a further display of unsolicited erotica.
Pommie lawyer smears himself
English lawyer David Corker, described by website RollOnFriday as “one of the country’s leading criminal solicitors”, sent the following poorly edited biography to the London Criminal Courts Solicitors’ Association [LCCSA] recently:
David Corker is a solicitor at Corker Binning and a regular lecturer for the LCCSA. The 2004 Chambers Guide to the Legal Profession described him having a “pedigree which stands out by itself”. The 2005 edition as “tremendously bright”, the 2006 edition as “a business crime legend” and the 2007 edition as “having made a massive academic contribution due to his involvement on the lecture circuit”. Colleagues have described him as ‘a complete wanker’.
According to the website, the LCCSA included the biography in a pamphlet that was distributed to 1,000 lawyers, while it also spent two days on the association website.
Goat fetish man makes donation
A US man has escaped punishment after allegedly breaking into a barn and painting the genitals of three goats a charming shade of orange.
The man, one Drew Gagnon, 37, of Mahopac, New York state, also allegedly distributed pornographic magazines for the animals to read at their leisure. But according to the Journal News, two of the goats became sick after eating the porn.
The owner of the goats, Bryce Fiero, agreed not to pursue charges against Gagnon and his driver on the condition that a donation was made to the Putnam Humane Society, the paper reported.
“My family and I just want to put this ordeal behind us and we believe that a donation to the Humane Society would be helpful,” the owner said outside the court.
“You try to forgive and forget. We may not forget this, but we will try to forgive.”
NSW search warrants a ‘tacky little piece of paper’
The following is an extract from a case before the High Court, New South Wales v Corbett  HCATrans 119, in which Justice Michael Kirby takes the NSW Government to task over the tackiness of its official documents:
KIRBY J: By the way, is that the form of the State search warrant? I mean, does it still look like that? It is such a tacky little piece of paper. I mean, if somebody presented you with a piece of paper like that that looks for all the world like the roneoed law school notes that I used to receive 40 years ago, you would not take it seriously. It does not even have the State coat of arms on it.
MR M G SEXTON SC S-G: It is a standard form, your Honour.
KIRBY J: It is a very unimpressive document. I mean, if you are wanting to impress people with a search warrant, it should have at least a facsimile of the great seal of New South Wales on it.
MR SEXTON: My learned friend says it is a different form, but I still do not think it has the coat of arms, your Honour.
KIRBY J: You can do these colourful things in computers now, you know. …
MR SEXTON: I will bear all this in mind, your Honour.
Brit has kitchen stolen
A British man from Dewsbury, Yorkshire, arrived home recently after trotting the globe to find thieves had made off with his kitchen.
“I can’t believe I returned home from my holiday to find burglars had stolen my kitchen sink,” James Elstub told Sky News. He had just returned from a round trip of Australia, New Zealand, the US and Thailand, only to make the unfortunate discovery.
“The criminals must have been bold, as it would have taken considerable time to strip the kitchen,” he said, explaining that all the appliances and fittings had been removed.
“The burglary felt like a complete invasion.”