As the Sydney Law Careers Fair attracted fresh blood in the form of students to Darling Harbour recently, Folklaw crouched by the entrance to witness the feeding frenzy.

One young morsel, when asked why she’d come to the Fair, replied that she was “just here to see what this law thing is all about”. So too was Folklaw, but it was hard to concentrate on serious matters of law with so much free stuff on offer.

What did the varied array of trinkets have to say about each firm?

Take, for instance, the Maddocks black umbrella. Was it portraying a career in the law that is as grey and depressing as a wintry storm? Or perhaps that it would shield its lawyers from danger.

Perhaps the water bottles donated by Brown Wright Stein are also given to its lawyers, forever racing about the office in a thirst-inducing panic? Or, more positively, they indicate that its lawyers would actually have time to go to the gym?

And over at Hunt & Hunt you could be forgiven for expecting long gruelling hours, with the firm’s gift of a coffee thermos mug. Or are they saying you will be out of the office most of the time, meeting clients?

Then there was the Corrs sweat towel, possibly to help sponge away those fat droplets of terror-sweat before your first court appearance. Actually, our editor was kindly given one by Corrs at the Fair; she is delighted with it and uses at the gym (or plans to use it when she gets there).

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Things were no brighter at Addisons and Piper Alderman, who both provided stress balls — the former in the shape of a brick (a reminder of that Pink Floyd song) and the latter a novelty oversized die (with which to gamble your future away).

And of course there were those headline-hungry jokers at the Gadens Very Serious Lawyers stand, dressed in identical wigs and ties, shouting the names of raffle winners across the convention hall. The prize was an interview for an articled clerkship, though it’s unknown whether a wig was thrown into the bargain.

By the time the Fair was over, all that could be seen of the students were pairs of tired feet and red eyes peering out from an all-covering blanket of firm merchandise as they lugged their gifts through the exit.

Drunk blames unicorn for crash

Police are used to hearing wild excuses following car accidents, particularly when they come across a drunk driver. But it’s unlikely that many are offered the excuse that American Phillip C. Holliday came up with recently: “It wasn’t me, officer. A unicorn was driving”.

According to the Associated Press, police in Montana found Holliday beside his wrecked car after it had been driven into a lamp post. Yet when they asked him what happened, he insisted a unicorn was responsible.

Now Folklaw is a strong believer in giving the benefit of the doubt. And it is true that unicorns lack opposable thumbs, which would make driving a difficult task.

But a quick look at Holliday’s rap sheet sheds some doubt on his story. The 42-year-old has five convictions, four felonies, 35 misdemeanours and 53 traffic violations to his name (it’s unclear whether any of these offences were also alleged to be unicorn-related).

The court was told witnesses saw Holliday’s truck run a red light, narrowly miss a car in the intersection and do a U-turn through a petrol station before crossing the street and hitting the lamp post.

The man pleaded not guilty to criminal endangerment and drunk driving. The unicorn is still at large.

Thief buys police attention on credit

A German robber sealed his own fate when he snapped his credit card in half while trying to pry open a lock, leaving his name and other personal details for police to find.

The foolish thief was trying to break into his neighbour’s apartment at the time, Reuters quoted a police spokesman as saying.

“He tried to copy what he’d seen them do on television, but the owner of the flat woke up and the criminal ran away,” the spokesman said.

“The victim called up and read us the details off the card,” he said. “When we got round to the burglar’s house, the other half of his credit card was sitting on his kitchen table.”

Idiot snatches bag in front of police

When you want to snatch the handbag from a defenceless old pensioner, it pays to select an area devoid of unusually large gatherings of police.

This basic lesson on petty crime was lost on an Austrian teenager recently, who found an army of police, sniffer dogs and almost 30 patrol cars appear from thin air after his cowardly attack.

The bag-snatcher robbed his victim right next to a field in which the local forces were conducting a road safety event. When a passing bus driver saw what happened and called for help, every officer at the event took after the teen and promptly caught him.

Theme park offers pretend border crossing

A morally-questionable Mexican theme park invites its customers to pretend to be poverty-stricken Mexicans desperate to cross the country’s border into the United States.

The new Parque EcoAlberto, in Hidalgo, allows people to rehearse the ‘caminata nocturna’, the name given to the night time crossing under the threat of border guard fire.

The park has recreated the natural environment and barbed-wire fenced to make the ‘attraction’ all the more real. When that gets boring, you can always indulge in some river rafting.

Quote of the Week

“Law reform is not an easy or even a pretty business. As Bismarck once said: ‘Laws are like sausages. It is better not to see them being made’.”

Attorney-General Philip Ruddock speaking at the Australian Legal Convention

I’m just here for the free pens

Just a quick note to future visitors to the Fair: tut tut to those individuals who took a quick swing by each stall, neglecting to even talk to those manning it, but peeking inside the goodie bags to check if there was something they wanted. Folklaw saw one individual do exactly that and hand it back to the firm when they saw only pamphlets inside. That’s one sure way to ensure you never work at that firm!

Folklaw thrusts steak in own heart

Folklaw was rightly corrected by numerous readers on its report of an attempt to drive a ‘steak’ rather than a ‘stake’ through the heart of the corpse of Slobodan Milosevic in last fortnight’s issue (Folklaw, issue 330, p40). Although the thought of spearing a porterhouse into the chest of the departed tyrant is infinitely funnier, it is still thoroughly inaccurate, as the following email from one reader states:

Sent: Tuesday, 27 March 2007 2:55 PM

To: This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

Subject: Issue Friday 23 March 07

Thank goodness all the requisite rites were performed to prevent The Slob’s corpse being desecrated!!!

However, one question haunts me. Was the “steak” that was driven into the ex-president’s heart raw, medium-rare or well cooked? I won’t be able to rest easy in my bed until I know!!!

I thoroughly enjoyed the mental imagery of driving steak into heart muscle. I have training both in medicine and as a chef, so the ludicrous images were both priceless and entertaining. Like — if it was rare, all that blood ought to revive the old buzzard, but it had to be well cooked (carbonised, actually) to penetrate cardiac tissue. Hence my chortles!!

Keep up the great work — love your segment [Folklaw]!!! Hee, hee.

Kind regards

Barbara McNeill C.S. B.Juris,etc.

Barb — Clown Solicitor, Bachelorette of Jurisimpudence.