German police were called to an unusual rescue when they heard reports a 91-year-old man had stuck himself to his roof.

The sprightly senior citizen was mending his rooftop with tar when he fell and became fastened “like a beetle on its back”, according to police. Witnesses had assumed the man was attempting suicide as, judging by his advanced years, nobody expected him to be conducting major repairs in such a precarious place.

“He was just recoating the roofing with bitumen. But then he slipped,” a spokesman for police said. “When we got there, he was like a beetle on its back, with his arms and legs sprawled out and completely glued to the roof.

“Due to his age, he couldn’t free himself from his unfortunate situation.”

Woman sues over theft of bottom

A belly dancer has been compensated after one of her buttocks was mistakenly removed during botched plastic surgery in Germany.

A court awarded Julia ‘Cleopatra’ Meyer euro 17,511 ($29,306), twice what she had claimed, in compensation for her inability to perform due to her disfigurement, website Ananova.com reported.

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The 38-year-old had requested surgery on her thighs because she was displeased with her appearance.

“I had been unhappy with my saddlebags, the fat stored in the outer thigh area. Because of the local anaesthesia I did not realise what he was doing,” Meyer said.

Rather than remove fat from her thighs, the surgeon took it from her right buttock instead.

“When I saw afterwards that half of my bum was missing I almost fainted. It had been completely sucked away,” the dancer said.

Indian woman marries corpse

Following the demise of her husband-to-be, an Indian woman was married to his corpse shortly before cremation.

According to Reuters, Tulsi Devipujak, 20, was wed with the cadaver of Sanjay Dantania, 25, after he drowned in a well.

The bride’s family reportedly dressed Dantania’s body as a groom and held the traditional marriage ceremony on a decorated stage.

“It was for just few minutes the girl was dressed as a bride and then as a widow,” K.M. Kapadia, a police spokesman told Reuters.

“The girl refused to give away the body of her lover for the cremation till she tied the knot with him,” he said.

The pair had earlier been prevented from marrying because they belonged to different castes, which was forbidden under restrictions imposed by the local council.

Quote of the Week

“The only people on hourly rates work as plumbers, at Burger King or at law firms.”

Nils Breidenstein, BEA Systems’ general counsel for Europe, the Middle East and Africa, at a commerce and industry group debate, as reported by TheLawyer.com

Drunken man an unwanted baby

Continuing in the German theme, a man has been arrested after being found drunk in an emergency drop box for unwanted babies.

The box, an incubator in a hospital in Dortmund, is designed to house abandoned babies in a safe environment, rather than have them being dumped on the street. It connects to the exterior of the hotel via a chute and is alarmed so that nurses can attend to the newborns as soon as they arrive. Similar boxes appear all over the country, and offer a way for babies to be left at hospitals as safely as possible.

They are not, however, designed for drunken German men eager for a rest, despite what Heinrich Mueller may have thought.

But after a night of sauerkraut and beer, Mueller deposited himself into the incubator, and was found by panicked nurses kicking back with a cigarette, before falling asleep.

Jones guilty of naming minor on air

Influential talkback radio guru, Alan Jones, was found guilty last week of naming a minor involved in criminal proceedings, along with his employer Harbour Radio and newspaper The Daily Telegraph.

The incident followed an article in the Telegraph of April 2004, in which the minor, a witness to an alleged murder, was mentioned. Jones used the article to form part of an editorial on 2GB, where he referred to the minor by name, The Sydney Morning Herald reported.

Jones’ defence was, seeing as the minor’s name appeared in the “responsible and reputable” Telegraph, he was right to assume that permission had been received, as is stipulated by the Children’s Criminal Proceedings Act, the Herald said.

But not only had the witness not given permission, but magistrate Helen Syme found there was no evidence in the article to suggest it had.

According to the paper, Jones, who is due to be sentenced in April, could be facing up to one year in prison.

Snowball victim sues

An American man who claims to have been struck by a snowball has taken the perpetrator to court.

William Elich, 46, a private detective, was on the street in Portland Oregon when he says he was the victim of Greg Ely, 32, with his Hummer of icy destruction, The Oregonian reported.

Elich says Ely took one of the snowballs that lined the Hummer’s dashboard and hit him in the head with it, causing damage to his face and breaking his glasses. The victim also claimed he missed more than a week’s work while he waited for his glasses to be repaired.

Although Ely has denied responsibility, Elich says he was able to record the Hummer’s number plate, and although police would not act, he is pursuing the matter in a civil court, the paper reported.

“I don’t need the money,” Elich said. “He needs to learn a lesson. This is a 32-year-old man acting like a 16-year-old.”