German sues for return of his prize asset
Karl Spandl, 50, of Germany, awoke from surgery to find a rather unpleasant surprise — doctors had removed his foreskin without his permission, in order to avoid surgical complications.
The Bonn man had been admitted for urgent surgery after developing an agonising abscess on his penis. After finding that doctors at the Troisdorf Hospital had removed more than he bargained for, Spandl decided to sue them to recover the cost of rebuilding a new foreskin.
“When I woke up I almost passed out again with shock. I never said they could take that. And now I have almost no feeling in the tip,” he said. “My sex life has been totally ruined.”
Spandl is asking for £14,000 ($34,966) in order to finance the operation, which will see his foreskin remade from the membrane inside his mouth.
Teacher told: ‘get off arse & stop painting’
An art teacher in the US was suspended from his job after his superiors learned of his special hobby — painting with his rear end.
The powers that be at the artist’s school took offence to Steven Murmer’s (back)side business and immediately sent him on paid leave, the Richmond Times-Dispatch reported.
His unique talents were deemed unacceptable by Monacan High School in Chesterfield County, Virginia, even though he paints under a pseudonym.
Murmer has put together a website to display his work (go to www.buttprintart.com for a cheeky peak). There is even a video on YouTube that walks the viewer through the unique art of pressing bare, paint-covered buttocks onto canvas, should anyone wish to adopt a trend that is sure to take the art world by storm in 2007.
Murmer’s ‘pressings’ often resemble butterflies and flowers. They can attract anything between $619 and $1,113.
Reports that Murmer’s students protested their teacher’s exile by photocopying their own buttocks en masse could not be substantiated as Folklaw went to print.
Jet-fuelled panic over the US
A plane in America was forced to make an emergency landing when a flatulent passenger felt compelled to light matches in an attempt to disguise an offensive odour.
The American Airlines flight, heading from Washington to Texas, made a sudden pit stop at Nashville when terror-minded passengers detected the ominous scent of burning sulphur in the cabin.
According to Nashville International Airport Authority spokesperson Lynne Lowrance, the entire plane was stripped in an effort to uncover the suspected explosive device, including the deployment of sniffer dogs. Nothing of any substance was found, and it was only after interrogations by the FBI that a gassy female passenger broke down and confessed, Lowrance said.
“For a long time she did not admit to striking matches and I think that was just out of embarrassment,” the spokeswoman said. “She did finally admit to it saying she had a medical problem about excessive gas.”
No charges were laid, the intense embarrassment of the event deemed sufficient punishment for the flatulent flyer. American Airlines saw it differently, banning her from their aircraft for the foreseeable future.
Detroit dummy faces life over mannequin theft
A Detroit man may be locked permanently behind bars because he refuses to stop indulging in his fetish for mannequins.
Ronald A Dotson’s arrest early in the new year follows six convictions for breaking and entering, including a prison term, all for the love of shopfront mannequins, The Daily Tribune reported.
Having only been out of prison for seven days, Dotson was picked up by police in October last year after allegedly smashing into a cleaning company to kidnap a female mannequin sporting a kinky French maid’s outfit.
He had earlier been convicted of forcing his way into a store in the same area in July 2000, that time to steal a mannequin with bobbed hair and a pink dress. In 1993 he was interrupted in a back alley with a party of three dummies in women’s underwear.
Dotson faces a life sentence because prosecutors have labelled him a habitual offender.
Sell your soul for Santa in the UK
How did everybody’s Christmas bonuses go this year? Was it truly a happy new year?
News from website RollOnFriday showed that UK firm SJ Berwin could be the place to head if your efforts weren’t properly recognised, though the maximum 75 per cent of salary bonus comes at a weighty price.
According to the site, SJB lawyers stand to gain 2.5 per cent of their salary if the firm makes fees of £174 million ($430 million). An additional 12.5 per cent is available for non-chargeable contributions; but a whopping 60 per cent more is added if staff hit the holy grail of 2,500 chargeable hours.
This was equated, with standard holidays and 10 per cent of working time spent on non-chargeable matters, to approximately 12 hours of chargeable work, each and every day.
So if that waterfront property and Ferrari aren’t coming nearly as quickly as you’d like, consider a move to SJB. As RollOnFriday suggested, a three-year lawyer — with no social life and the bare minimum of sleep — could potentially put away £129,500 ($320,230) a year.
Lawyers around the world
A Sydney solicitor sent in the following photo, snapped on a recent trip to Lukla, Nepal.
It advertises the amazing services of one B P Jaiswal, immunologist, and immigration and criminal lawyer. It is strongly recommended that readers who may be considering a trip to the trekking capital of the world keep Jaiswal in mind — you never know when you’re going to need your neuro-sexual disorders diagnosed while getting advice on the illegal exchange of foreign notes.
Quote of the Week
"I hope the Australian people aren't so gullible as to step in everything that Major Mori has been spreading and if they do step in it they need to wipe their feet before they go into the house, because we contend a lot of the evidence has been half truths."
Colonel Morris Davis, chief military prosecutor, Guantanamo Bay, on ABC Radio
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