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Five things I learned at the races

Five things I learned at the races

1. Yelling at things to go faster will not affect their progress In fact, the perforated eardrum you suffer as a result of said yelling will probably affect your balance and progress for the…

1. Yelling at things to go faster will not affect their progress In fact, the perforated eardrum you suffer as a result of said yelling will probably affect your balance and progress for the rest of the day

2. Digital cameras were not invented for holidays They were invented so that inebriated princesses queuing up in the interminable line for the toilets can take a million photos of each other while waiting (in the process, shrieking maniacally and adding to your already significant ear pain)

3. Bucks parties are not a safe place to leave your fiancé Nor are they a huge public relations success for any groups hoping to present Australian males as an attractive marriage proposition

4. You are just as likely to pick a winner based on the colour of your undies as a form guide Likewise, choosing potential winners based on the colours of the jockey's little costume seems just as efficacious as peering studiously at the form book

5. Quaffing copious amounts of alcohol does not make you able to predict the future Despite feeling, after downing eight beers in 40 minutes, that you now know which horse is going to come in, you don't. If you could foresee the future you would already know how foul you will feel when you wake up tomorrow and stop drinking now.

- Wendy Beecroft

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