With the recent news that the Northern Territory Government is moving to change Azaria Chamberlain's death certificate to reflect that she was "taken by a dingo", as opposed to murdered by her mother, Folklaw thought it would be apt to honour some of the world's individuals who have departed this world with an interesting tale to tell on their death certificate. With the help of the Darwin Awards, these are some of our favourite dearly departed stories.
Cause of death: squashed by big truck whilst shagging
Brazil 2010 - A young couple was driving along a major freeway in Brazil. It was 6am, traffic was heavy and the landscape was immersed in a heavy fog. Despite this, the lusty couple decided to park the car for some "private time". Unfortunately for them, they decided to park in the right lane of freeway, which a huge cargo truck was also using. The climactic moment came when the truck drove straight over their car, killing both lovers in the heat of the moment.
Cause of death: homemade rocket gone wrong
USA 2010 - Two mechanics, who were evidently not that bright and trying to get some cheap thrills, were seriously injured in an explosion after pouring four litres of methanol into a barrel in the car park, sitting on top of it and lighting it. Apparently, the barrel was supposed to slide across the car park like a rocket, but (surprise!) blew up beneath them instead. The explosion was so powerful that one end of the barrel landed 120 feet away. One of the unfortunate mechanics landed six feet under.
Cause of death: chasing a feather off a cliff
UK 2009 - In a small seaside town, along a coastal trail, fencing was in place to stop people from falling off the path. But alas, the protective barrier could not stop a feather blown by the breeze from going off the edge, nor the vague woman chasing it. The woman, in her forties, climbed the fence in an attempt to capture the elusive feather, stepping right off the cliff. She died of head injuries the following day.
Cause of death: post-pub urination attempt gone bad
USA 2008 - After leaving the pub, where many beers were consumed, and becoming stuck in heavy traffic, a young man couldn't wait another moment to relieve himself. "I need to take a leak," he told his friends. Traffic was deadlocked, so the man climbed out of the car, put his hand on the lane divider, and jumped over the low concrete wall. Unfortunately, the man had failed to notice that the car was parked on an overpass, and he fell 65 feet to his death. "He probably thought there was a road, but there wasn't," said a police spokesman. His mother shared her thoughts. "[He] didn't do a whole lot for a living. He got along on his charm, just like his father."
Cause of death: painting face with poison
USA 2009 - Two men, cunningly disguised with the aid of face paint, entered a shop, pulled out guns and robbed employees before ordering them into a bathroom. The bandits fled, but could not escape their own stupidity. In order to conceal his identity during the robbery, one of the bandits had covered his skin with gold spray paint. Clearly labelled, 'Do not get on skin, do not get in eyes, do not inhale' the paint turned out to be seriously toxic and the robber collapsed, golden and wheezing, and died shortly after.
Cause of death: causing oneself to be sucked from moving train
Germany 2009 - A train driver found a body laying besides the underground tracks in Berlin. Police eventually figured out that a young man had been alone in a carriage when he decided it would be a great idea to smash one of the windows. He swung his feet forward from a handrail into the window, and managed to burst the glass. He also succeeded in getting sucked out of the moving train and being left dead on the tracks.
Cause of death: riding foam mattress through flood waters
USA 2009 - Recent bouts of heavy rain had resulted in lots of flood water around a rather large lake. Two friends decided it would be smashing fun to take a mattress careening through the surging water. Unfortunately, one of the friends was riding a foam mattress, which turned out to absorb water rather well. According to her friend, the woman simply vanished from sight. The next morning, her body was found in a tangle of trees.
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