You focus on not making any mistakes, always “perfect” and smart, having to know all of the answers, all of the time, with ever-present, fear of professional disciplinary proceedings, disapproval, career backlash or “losing” looms large. You struggle to control your thoughts, ruminating constantly about matters or clients, what work needs to be done in short time frames, managing clients, competition and conflict, which often make you feel overwhelmed and not present. You may be struggling with depression or substance abuse, looking great on the outside and feeling “less than” great inside. You have a work-life conflict and you often sacrifice other areas of your life to meet your “to do” list, as your professional success is often your sole focus and as a result you prioritise career over family and friends, which means you can’t be at the dinner table or the kid’s extracurricular activities, you are living in different “time zones”.

I understand the challenges of legal practice and the road to success is difficult, requiring sacrifices. However, on your daily journey to achieve and succeed, you may get trapped into thinking that reaching your biggest successes in life (all areas), isn’t in your control, other people have the power, thinking “I can’t reach higher levels personally or professionally, because I am stuck and this isn’t the right time to do or learn or do anything different, it’s too uncertain. I have family responsibilities and I don’t have freedom, I’m held back. I can’t show people the real, authentic me, warts and all, as I have to live up to the ‘lawyer image’ and my boss has the keys to my career success.” If you are not responsible for your beliefs, behaviours, direction, goals and success, someone or something else is, they are controlling you, and you are a slave to other’s opinions and agenda; the ultimate misery, living a life, where you feel powerless.

I’m saying to you, you do have the power to grab hold of your life and your success, it’s in your reach, regardless of your situation or where you are on the road to success. The economy doesn’t have to be strong for you to have more courage, you don’t need to be financially secure to have a stronger, resilient mindset, you don’t need to be in a high-status role to have confidence. It takes courage to grab the wheel of your life with both hands, with you in the driver’s seat. You have the freedom and responsibility to choose who you are, how you show up, feel, interact, communicate and think, instead of being enslaved by fear or judgment, afraid to show the world the real you, showing one character and inside you are someone else, because of the pressures to fit into professional expectations, or norms, or find acceptance as “a lawyer”. When you take responsibility and control, you will live your life authentically, the way you truly want with greater freedom, resigning yourself from conformity, sameness and caution and allowing the real you to rise, with your own personal preferences and your true nature. Life should feel and be real! If you had more courage, confidence and a resilient mindset, how much more successful would you be, and feel, in your life?

You know people who have “made it”, millions of people, have been incredibly successful. They may have put their ladder on the wrong building and made it to the “top” and didn’t enjoy the “top” even though they had worked so hard and climbed to get there, and they didn’t enjoy the journey either. They discovered when they reached the “top” they are still unhappy, discontent, unfulfilled and disconnected from people and have no purpose or aliveness in life. Maybe someone you know, has reached great levels of success and yet still feels like a fraud (imposter syndrome) and they don’t feel very successful after all.

With all of the sacrifices, the hard work you put in on your journey to reach your greatest successes and your career milestones, you want to be confident that when you reach your big goals, you will have achieved a positive, vibrant, adventurous, motivating, fulfilling, connected and happy life, every day, right?

Do you self-reflect daily, check in on how successful you are each day (not about winning cases), rather, it’s about “winning the day”. Do you have a clear direction daily, do you contribute to yourself (to learn and improve) as well as to others, in positive ways, do you show up a role model, are you creating happiness, fulfillment, challenge, progress and wisdom, on a daily basis? Isn’t that what we all are after? Even when people become rich and are very successful the following questions crop up, “Is this all there is to it?” Or “what do I do now?” and “I don’t feel any happier” or “Do I live fully every day? Do I feel alive? Am I the best version of myself? What is the best version of myself? Who needs me to be on my ‘A’ game? What is meaningful to me?” If you don’t know the answers to these questions you’ll discover, your journey to success and on landing on your ultimate success, it won’t feel as fulfilling and you won’t be as happy, as you had hoped. One day we are going to die, we each have a responsibility and we need the drive to live our lives fully, every day.

Bronnie Ware, a palliative care nurse who witnessed recurring themes of regret, wrote in her book “The Top 5 Regrets of the Dying” the following five top regrets:

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1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
2. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.
3. I wish I had the courage to express my feelings.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
5. I wish I had let myself be happier.

People are trapped and caged in a world, a profession, a life or belief system that stops them from living fully and having more joy on their daily journey to reach their goals, next level of success.

The following “RICH” framework, when implemented consistently (not perfectly), will help you go to the next level, so you don’t live and die with regrets:

RESET

We all have the opportunity to reset and clarify our direction, every day, it’s a fresh start, a blank page. That can bring back vibrancy to life. Massive success doesn’t require massive action and you don’t need to put pressure on yourself to make some earth-shattering improvement or performance that everyone notices. Great gains can occur, over time. For example, if you boarded a plane in Los Angeles, US and your destination was New York, US and the captain changed the header 3.5 degrees south, you wouldn’t notice the change, until you discovered on disembarkation that you were in Washington, DC, not New York, some 370 kilometers away. A slight change, over time, can transform your life.

INTENTION

Instead of living each day on autopilot, without thinking about why you do what you do (including your usual practices in legal practice), set up routines that bring back intention into your life. For example, why not set up a morning routine? Take 15 minutes before leaving home to write down the answers to the following questions, in a journal:

1. Who needs me to perform as my best self today?
2. What may stress me out or make me fail, stop me from being my best self, how would my best self handle it?
3. How will I plan and schedule my time, so my top three priorities are completed by COB today?
4. How will I manage distractions, conflict, interact with others, show up, lead, so I am a role model?

COURAGE

Two of the five regrets of the dying related to wishing they had more courage. When people have it all, what they want most of all is… courage! Courage to set boundaries, to ask for help, speak up for yourself and others, to be authentic, to push yourself out of your comfort zone consistently, despite fear, to lead others with people skills (even when people think you are crazy), to take control of your life or even to try something new. Neuroscience has found that “novelty” has a wide range of effects on cognition; a rush of dopamine accompanies fresh experiences of any kind; improving perception and action, increasing motivation, eliciting exploratory behaviour, and promoting learning and memory. It is practically impossible to thrive without novelty.

HABITS

Learning and creating intentional habits daily, that support a resilient mindset, influential communication, confidence, productivity, health, inspiring leadership on your path to self-mastery, will improve personal and professional success, while increasing satisfaction and happiness. Everything you want comes down to the number of days you are improving.

To live a remarkable life (all areas) and reach the next level of your success, be determined and disciplined to take consistent action to “win” your day, starting with RICH, this will help you bring back intentionality into your life, so you live each day fully, as the best version of yourself, despite your fears or doubts. Maximise happiness, reset, courage, intention as your best self, daily!

Finally, ask yourself: would I be happy with how I have chosen to live my life (all areas), up to this point? If today was my last day on earth, would I be satisfied with my choices in life and practice?

Louise Mathias is a barrister, mediator, FDRP, certified high performance and EQ coach and consultant.