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Fat cat gets birdie

Fat cat gets birdie

Fat cat gets birdie Undoubtedly, the recent Mallesons Stephen Jaques-sponsored Pro-Am in Brisbane generated much interest among the city’s ‘fat cat’ exec fraternity.It’s therefore rather…

Fat cat gets birdie

Undoubtedly, the recent Mallesons Stephen Jaques-sponsored Pro-Am in Brisbane generated much interest among the city’s ‘fat cat’ exec fraternity.

It’s therefore rather fitting that the man whose moniker equates cosily with an overweight feline stole the show.

Former Australian test cricketer Greg ‘Fat Cat’ Ritchie is said to have scored a hole-in-one at the event, which was held at the luxurious Brookwater Golf Club.

Better known of late for lampooning Indians under the guise of ‘Footy Show’ regular Mahatma Coat, Ritchie achieved the rare feat with a 6 iron on the 155-metre fifth hole.

While congratulating the big Queenslander, it’s probably worthwhile considering whether the sponsors took their opportunity to have a quiet word with the Fat Cat, whose antics since removing his pads would make any advice-dispensing lawyer purr with anticipation.

Coat, his subcontinentally unsound alter-ego, has twice been given the axe amidst viewer complaints. Ritchie was also accused of unbecoming conduct at this year’s State of Origin match in Sydney, and a couple of years back famously led a pitch invasion in the West Indies to congratulate former team mate Stephen Waugh on another hard earned ton.

One brave matador

Tremors of uncertainty accompanying renowned judge-basher Philip Ruddock’s taking the reins of Attorney-General still ripple throughout the profession, but it could be a lot worse.

For instance, we could have this unnamed party, responsible for this bullish tirade on one of NSW’s most senior judges, in charge of defending the court’s integrity.

In fact, the attack below is so well sustained that one is driven to the conclusion it was launched by a lawyer. Who else could be responsible for such a long sentence?

“He was expressly angry that I had raised the matter and from there on in he acted in such a way . . . which one normally only sees in the bull ring when there is a bull fight and there is baiting and there are sticks stuck in the back of an animal who is likely to urinate on itself in fear so that it is unable to do anything except to respond, and that’s what was being done to me in the Court, and the threat that I was being subjected to was part of the course of conduct which was designed to make me fearful and designed to stop me from conducting my proceedings in any orderly fashion and succeeded, I might add, for when I put that on the record at a later date it provoked giggles of mirth from . . . together with [name withheld] and with his tipstaff and that is what the observers in court saw and that is what disgusts the public and that is what brings the administration of justice into disrepute.”

Hola!

Self a-boozers

A big week for indulgent judges in the US recently, with two publicly admonished for unacceptable behaviour under the influence.

First there was head-banging Michigan District Court Judge Thomas Gilbert suspended for six months after being caught smoking a sneaky joint outside a rock concert in Detroit.

Gilbert blamed his habit on alcoholism, but it appears that Florida counterpart Charles Cope has more pressing reasons to stay off the grog.

Well and truly lubricated during a 2001 judicial conference, Cope was last month berated before his peers for making “publicly sexual advances” to the women on hand. And people wonder why there is a shortage of the fairer sex on the bench?

Although charged with a number of misdemeanours arising from the intoxicated excursion — peeping, trespassing and prowling, to name a few — Cope sadly missed out on the big one: drink driving.

If, however, he does decide to drive home from his next conference, Cope may like to take a tip from fellow Florida judge William White, who recently came up with a novel idea to keep drunks off the roads.

According to reports, White has been ordering convicted offenders to attach a colourful sticker on the bumper of their cars, which reads: “How is my driving? Call Toll-Free 1-866-I-SAW-YOU The Judge wants to know!!”

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