find the latest legal job
Property Lawyer | In-house | Global UK Company | 3-8PQE | Melbourne
Category: Generalists - In House | Location: Melbourne VIC 3004
· Be part of a large in-house team · Property experience an advantage
View details
In-house Property Lawyer - 3-6year PQE | Dynamic High Impact Role
Category: Generalists - In House | Location: Melbourne VIC 3004
· Highly regarded internal legal team · Ideal first in-house role
View details
Inhouse Counsel | Technology Company | 3-6yr PAE
Category: Generalists - In House | Location: All Brisbane QLD
· Challenging mix of commercial contracts, IT/IP and corporate advisory
View details
Employment lawyer - Melbourne
Category: Industrial Relations and Employment Law | Location: Melbourne CBD & Inner Suburbs Melbourne VIC
· Thriving national firm · Highly respected employment law practice
View details
Senior commercial litigation lawyer - Melbourne
Category: Litigation and Dispute Resolution | Location: Melbourne CBD & Inner Suburbs Melbourne VIC
· High-performing national firm · Broad commercial litigation focus
View details
World's best (and worst) lawyer jokes

World's best (and worst) lawyer jokes

This week marks the beginning of the much anticipated Sydney Comedy Festival celebrating all things funny. In honour of this event, Folklaw felt duty bound to provide some comedic relief of its…

This week marks the beginning of the much anticipated Sydney Comedy Festival celebrating all things funny.

In honour of this event, Folklaw felt duty bound to provide some comedic relief of its own.

As such, we have compiled a list of ten of the world's best (or worst) lawyer jokes. But just a warning - by the end of this list you may get the impression that lawyers aren't the most popular people on earth, but we knew that already, right?

Joke 1:

A lawyer dies and goes to Heaven. "There must be some mistake," the lawyer argues. "I'm too young to die. I'm only 55." "Fifty-five?" says Saint Peter. "No, according to out calculations, you're 82." "How'd you get that?" the lawyer asks. Answers St. Peter, "We added up your time sheets."

Joke 2:

What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer can let a case drag out for several years. A good lawyer can make it last even longer.

Joke 3:

One day in Contract Law class, the professor asked one of his better students, "Now if you were to give someone an orange, how would you go about it?"

The student replied, "Here's an orange."

The professor was livid. "No! No! Think like a lawyer!"

The student then recited, "Okay, I'd tell him, 'I hereby give and convey to you all and singular, my estate and interests, rights, claim, title, claim and advantages of and in, said orange, together with all its rind, juice, pulp, and seeds, and all rights and advantages with full power to bite, cut, freeze and otherwise eat, the same, or give the same away with and without the pulp, juice, rind and seeds, anything herein before or hereinafter or in any deed, or deeds, instruments of whatever nature or kind whatsoever to the contrary in anywise notwithstanding..."

Joke 4:

As the lawyer awoke from surgery, he asked, "Why are all the blinds drawn?" The nurse answered, "There's a fire across the street, and we didn't want you to think you had died."

Joke 5:

A woman and her little girl were visiting the grave of the little girl's grandmother. On their way through the cemetery back to the car, the little girl asked, "Mummy, do they ever bury two people in the same grave?"

"Of course not, dear," replied the mother, "Why would you think that?"

"The tombstone back there said... 'Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.'"

Joke 6:

Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer and an old drunk are walking down the street together when they simultaneously spot a hundred dollar bill. Who gets it? The old drunk, of course, the other three are fantasy creatures.

Joke 7:

At a convention of biological scientists, one researcher remarks to another, "Did you know that in our lab we have switched from mice to lawyers for our experiments?" "Really?" the other replied, "Why did you switch?" "Well, for three reasons. First we found that lawyers are far more plentiful, second, the lab assistants don't get so attached to them, and thirdly there are some things even a rat won't do."

Joke 8:

What does a lawyer get when you give him Viagra?

Taller.

Joke 9:

The lawyer's son wanted to follow in his father's footsteps, so he went to law school and graduated with honors. Then he went home to join his father's firm.

At the end of his first day at work, he rushed into his father's office and said, "Father, father! In one day I broke the Smith case that you've been working on for so long!"

His father yelled, "You idiot! We've been living on the funding of that case for ten years!"

Joke 10:

How many lawyer jokes are in existence?

Only three. All the rest are true stories.

Promoted content
Recommended by Spike Native Network
more from lawyers weekly
07:00
Vic government urged to consider spent convictions scheme
The Law Institute of Victoria has called on the state government to consider laws that will wipe the...
May 22 2017
Barristers raise funds for prize in memory of Katrina Dawson
Members of the NSW Bar Association have hit the pavement to raise funds for a new readers’ schola...
Diverse Hands
May 22 2017
Bringing gender diversity issues to the fore
Promoted by A varied career as a lawyer and barrister has led to a new focus on addressing gender...
APPOINTMENTS
May 11 2017
Partner exits for in-house role
A Victorian lawyer has left the partnership of a national firm to start a new gig with state governm...
Esteban Gomez
May 11 2017
National firm recruits ‘major asset’
A national law firm has announced it has appointed a new corporate partner who brings over 15 years...
Angela Lynch
May 9 2017
Women’s legal service appoints chief executive
Women’s Legal Service Queensland has appointed an experienced family lawyer as its new CEO. ...
opinion
Nicole Rich
May 16 2017
Access to justice for young transgender Australians
Reform is looming for the process that young transgender Australians and their families must current...
Geoff Roberson
May 11 2017
The lighter side of the law: when law and comedy collide
On the face of it, there doesn’t seem to be much that is amusing about the law, writes Geoff Rober...
Help
May 10 2017
Advocate’s immunity – without fear or without favour but not both
On 29 March 2017, the High Court handed down its decision in David Kendirjian v Eugene Lepore & ...