Ask not what your country can do for you …

By Justin Whealing|08 February 2012

Attorney-General Nicola Roxon has urged all Australians (well, most Australians) to come up with ideas to stop terrorist attacks.

Last Friday (3 February), the AG’s Department sent out a release urging a select few occupations to be on the lookout for terrorists.

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“Hairdressers, farmers, cleaners, gardeners, pharmacists, mums, dads and students can all help to keep Australia safe by putting forward ideas about how to reduce the potential for everyday, household chemicals to be used in terrorist attacks,” said the release.

Leaving aside the scandalous omission of the potential for childless plumbers or bureaucrats with time on their hands to also be vigilant, Roxon said, “We all need to work together to ensure that these types of chemicals are used safely and for their intended purpose. Together, we can all work to keep Australia safe”.

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Roxon also asked for public comment on security risks posed by 11 chemicals of security concern, including potassium chlorate and nitric acid.

Folklaw recommends that all Australians be vigilant when in the vicinity of long-haired hippies, who might be avoiding the hairdressers because they are worried about being detained by a dangerous man called Dmitry with a Bieber-esque haircut and a sharp pair of scissors.

Folklaw also cautions all folks, even architects (not named as a key profession, possibly because they constantly carry large scrolled up pieces of paper which might obscure their view of possible terrorist activity), to be wary of bald science teachers with cancer because, as all Breaking Bad viewers would be aware, if not stockpiling chemicals for possible terrorist use, they are possibly cooking crystal meth on the side.

Folklaw also recommends the authorities get their own house in order as a part of this far-reaching process, and look to avoid potentially embarrassing situations where it deports foreign doctors without even so much as a tip-off from a constantly alert gardener.

Ask not what your country can do for you …
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