Post-pandemic, there are a number of new terms within relationships and abuse – love bombing being one, wherein a partner will shower you with affection one minute, then completely withdraw it the next. This is something that likely won’t ever come under legislation, said Ms Toberty.

“I don’t think the law has caught up, and I don’t think the law will ever catch up with the different types of abuse that we’re seeing. Certainly, in cases of love bombing, you see it on the dating apps all the time. I don’t ever foresee that that in itself is ever going to come under the legislation,” she said.

“In my view, it is abuse. It is a form of abuse to shower someone with affection that you’re having a relationship with and then in the next minute, withdraw that affection and be completely distant and non-responsive and non-interested. That is certainly abuse. But look, whether the law catches up with the new types of emotional abuse that we’re seeing on a daily basis, it remains to be seen.”

Ms Levy works across property disputes and domestic violence a lot – and said that it’s promising to see the courts increasingly acknowledging “the property side of things”.

“If a tenant is experiencing DV, they can end the tenancy immediately without being penalised just by giving the landlord a domestic violence termination notice. And in addition to that, victim tenants can’t be held responsible for any property damage by a perpetrator, whether or not they are a co-tenant. So, there are little things like that NCAT, for example, will acknowledge in that tenant division,” she said.

“But more so, I guess it’s proving that that was the case. And I guess that’s where the courts and tribunals lag behind is that proving that there is that DV situation. Good now that we’ve got the coercive control legislation that’s slowly starting to catch up, but as Alicia said, it’s still not enough, and question whether or not it will ever be enough because it’s still up to the victim to prove that that was the case.”

As chair of the Haven Nepean Women’s Shelter, which is a domestic violence shelter she set up in Penrith that takes in women and children escaping domestic violence and homelessness, Ms Levy also saw a number of new issues popping up throughout the pandemic.

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“For us, during lockdown, for example, we, unfortunately, saw a lull across the sector of women leaving their circumstances and seeking help in shelters. From my understanding, that was because they were at home in lockdown with their perpetrator, so they couldn’t escape. It’s not like they could leave while the perpetrator had gone to work or something like that, or he was out. So, we saw a lull in people coming in,” she explained.

“We did see an increase in people accessing our website during that period. So, they were looking for help, but not actually reaching out. Once we came out of lockdown, both lockdowns, there was a bit of an influx in terms of then people leaving. And unfortunately, during that period where they weren’t leaving, that’s when their stresses were the highest. So, there was financial stress, they were at home, they weren’t working. So that’s when I guess that pandemic stress really made things worse for people being at home cooped up.

Whilst Ms Toberty didn’t see an increase in cases, she said a common problem was victims thinking they were unable to leave their situation due to government-mandated lockdowns.

“Particularly at 11 o’clock every day, we’d be hearing during the press conference that the health and government advice was to stay at home or stay within five kilometres and under no circumstances were we to leave,” she explained.

“Now, unfortunately, to any sort of layperson, that advice that was given was actually gospel to them. And they were absolutely and completely unaware that in circumstances of leaving an abusive relationship, they could actually do that in lockdown under the public health order. But then again, who’s going to go and read the actual framing of the public health order. They rely on the government and health advice that is given during those press conferences. So unfortunately, we had victims that were stuck at home thinking that they couldn’t leave. And because of that, they didn’t leave. When in fact, they were lawfully able to leave and to escape under those exceptions under the public health order.”

However, throughout the pandemic, Ms Levy said that she was reminded of the important work that she does, both through her practice and through the shelter.

“For all of those practitioners out there, and if you are involved in a charity who does this kind of work, sometimes it’s really important to step back and remember why we do what we do. So, we are helping these people escape that life of violence and changing their lives, and sometimes saving their lives,” she added.

“So, I think some days when it’s really hard, it’s really important to step back and remember why we’re doing it.”

The transcript of this podcast episode was slightly edited for publishing purposes. To listen to the full conversation with Alicia Toberty and Sharon Levy, click below: