IN THE US, a father attending his son’s football game unwittingly came to the attention of a SWAT team, and almost got himself killed in the process, after police mistook him for a sniper.

The man, James Kranz, was merely setting up his video camera on a rooftop so he could film the game. But an officer saw him holding what he took to be a rifle, and immediately called for support.

“An officer saw a man on top of the roof, walking around, pacing back and forth. He was acting extremely suspicious,” police spokesman Gregg Olsen said.

Midvale police sniper J. Guenon said that he “observed [Kranz] pacing back and forth nervously, constantly looking”.

“As a sniper, if I were to cause havoc, the spot he was at would have been the perfect spot,” he said.

The amateur cinematographer unknowingly caused the whole field to be evacuated, as the SWAT team arrived on the scene, fully prepared to liquidate the man they had been told was a dangerous sharpshooter.

When Kranz came down from the rooftop to see what all the fuss was about, police officers chased after him and demanded he drop to his knees and hold his hands in the air.

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Kranz refused, thinking it was a joke. When police eventually wrestled him to the ground, they discovered what they thought was a rifle was nothing but an ordinary deckchair.

Love-crash on the superhighway

Depending where your sympathies lie, the following story of a New Zealand lawyer unlucky in love will have you shedding a quiet tear or rolling with laughter.

According to website RollOnFriday, a Kiwi lawyer at one of the country’s biggest law firms has made the monumental mistake of declaring his love via email. Unfortunately for our paramour practitioner, the object of his affection took an immediate disliking to his offer of “good hearted action”, and forwarded his steamy intentions to all of her single friends.

The following is a copy of the lady’s response, followed by her Romeo’s valiant attempt at getting it on.

From: Miss X

To: All My Single Friends

Sent: Wednesday 18th October 2006 1:54pm

Subject: LOSER alert

Ladies,

I’m setting up a LOSER alert system for all my single friends to avoid Dating Disasters with idiots like the one below.

Here is the latest DD (one of many this year but I’m pretty sure this takes the cake). He sent me this email after I told him I wasn’t interested in anything with him the night before.

If you ever have the misfortune of meeting this little charmer, run run run!!! Don’t let him fool you with his “ultimate nice guy”charm or his offers to take you on a “coffee and David Hassellhoff long walks along the beach”, turns out all he wants is a bit of “good hearted action”. But don’t fret if you change your mind he will be keeping his offer “fully open”.

Can you believe that someone would actually write something like this?

From: Mr Y

To: Miss X

Sent: Tuesday 17th October 2006 2:14pm

Subject: I think we got our wires crossed

Hey,

In terms of the “relationship” I was never looking for anything long term, more like “friends with benefits”. I was being the ultimate nice guy because I thought that is what you wanted to hear aka lunches, coffee and David Hassellhoff long walks along the beach.

Really I thought you were hot and was sure you’d be a rocket in the sack, which I think you would be.

At the end of the day, we are both really busy and don’t have time for anything else but a bit of good hearted action, plus I’m moving into a flat with 2 other single guys. But either way I’m still a good c*nt (ask anyone who has ever met me) and you’re a cool chick who is pretty hot.

So if we had just put our cards on the table from the start we probably would be hooking up now with no complications.

My offer is fully open so I hope it’s not awkward for you because it won’t be for me if I see you, I’ll just be trying to pick you up.

Take it easy and have a think about it after 10pm...

Any ideas where our Casanova may have gone wrong?

Bank thieves running on empty

Bank robbers are not without a certain romantic charm. People admire what is a very difficult feat — to bust into a highly secured building and make off with a motherload of cash. But there is nothing either romantic or charming about a gang of Romanian fools who successfully broke into a bank only to find it empty.

The trio of dim-witted thieves managed to force their way inside during a night raid on a Nova Bank in Constanta. Sadly for them, when they made it to the bank’s vaults, they found them completely bare — the bank having recently shut down and moved to other premises.

“The robbers thought they would make the hit of their lives but instead broke into an empty building,” a police spokesperson said.

Apparently the thieves were spotted by neighbours, who saw them break in through the main doors.

“They couldn’t find anything to steal, not even some heating pipes they tried to remove from the walls,” the spokesperson said, explaining that although the criminals made their getaway, evidence had been taken from the scene. Considering the police are hunting men who broke into an empty bank, it shouldn’t be too hard to track them down.

Men make boobs of themselves requesting breast

Two men from Ohio claim they were swerving to avoid a flying bra when they crashed their car on a major highway.

James Campbell and Jeff Long were driving on Interstate 75 when a racy red bra came hurtling toward them, causing the driver to swerve, flipping the car numerous times and injuring the men in the process.

But according to the girl to whom the bra belonged, the men had partly instigated the incident. Emily Davis, 17, claims that the men had pulled alongside her and her friend, Tabitha Adams, and motioned for her to flash her chest at them.

Responding to their request, Davis hung her red bra from the car’s aerial, only to see it fly away in the wind. The men, one of whom suffered a broken neck vertebra and the other busted ribs, deny they propositioned the girls.

According to local prosecutors, Davis has been charged with littering, although no more serious charges have been laid at this stage.

UK lawyer on the nose

In other news of embarrassing emails published on RollOnFriday, the following came from the high stress world of UK law, where sweat-inducing long hours are causing odious results.

A reader sent in the following email:

At a high street firm one of the associates has, shall we say, a hygiene problem.

The behaviour of the staff has finally drawn this to his attention and he hands out a hand-written 2 page letter detailing that he is aware of the views of the support staff and fellow lawyers, but is assuring everyone that his odour is stress-induced. Despite this he has had close relationships with various ladies over the years and does have a bath every morning and changes socks underwear and shirt each day. He hopes his letter clears the air.

As a trainee I am still in shock at receiving this letter. Can it get any more humiliating I ask you?

We at Folklaw would like to ask the same question.

Granny nicked after “stealing” neighbour’s football

Police arrested a British grandmother after her neighbour accused her of refusing to return a football that had been accidentally kicked into her garden.

As the UK’s The Daily Telegraph reported, Angela Hickling, was escorted to the station by police, where she forced to give a DNA sample.

“I am flabbergasted,” Hickling said shortly after the event. “The whole episode was ridiculous. I find it unbelievable that the police would waste their time over such a trivial matter.”

And waste their time they did. After a thorough search of the garden and the grandmother’s house revealed nothing in the way of a stolen football, the police were forced to set her free.

Hickling’s husband said the entire incident was difficult for their teenage son to handle, who is handicapped and relies heavily on his mother, the newspaper said.

“To see her led away like that was devastating,” he said. “She was really upset but tried to stay calm for his sake.”

“To this day we know nothing about any football. Neither I or my wife have seen it.”