A quick revisit of Ernie the Attorney’s website (as featured in last week’s Folklaw) revealed a shining example of lawyers’ boilerplate language (which allegedly allows lawyers to intimidate while sounding impressively intelligent, but actually saying nothing at all). Following the usual confidentiality disclaimers and warnings to delete the email and any attachments, an unnamed law firm’s email disclaimer concludes: “Also, please DISREGARD this mail if you received it WITHOUT this disclaimer since that would mean it was not legitimately sent from the XXX mail server. Thank you.”

Beautiful.

Help for the overtly articulate?

Given the stereotype that lawyers have a habit of writing long, boring texts, we at Folklaw thought our readers might like to know about an innovation taking China by storm — software that writes love letters. Magic Love Letters has already been downloaded more than 20,000 times, so it seems lawyers aren’t the only one who need assistance in making their intentions clear. The Chutian Daily reports that the program can write more than 10,000 different love letters — perfect for those with more than one object of their affections. All you have to do is type in your own name, along with that of your intended recipient and the letter will be written for you. However, the downfall for lawyers could well be that you also have to type in the number of lines you want … Folklaw’s advice is to keep it short and sweet.

Judge’s Cola complaint thrown out

A German judge who attempted to sue Coca Cola for causing his diabetes condition had his case thrown out by a court in Essen last week. Bahrain newspaper Gulf Daily News reported on 13 May that 48-year-old Hans Josef Brinkmann’s claim was dismissed by the court, which ruled that the sugar content of Coca Cola’s products was clearly labelled on their packaging.

Brinkmann, who presides over the appeal court in the eastern city of Rostock told the court that between 1994 and 1998 he drank about one litre of Coca Cola a day and ate chocolate bars on a daily basis because of the “considerable burden” of his job. However, the court’s judgement stated it is common knowledge that Coca Cola contains “a not inconsiderable amount of sugar” and it was up to the consumer to regulate his own intake.

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Lawyer’s Libido

An attorney from Torrington, Connecticut has appeared in the Superior Court on the wrong side of the defence, after he allegedly made numerous unwanted sexual advances on a client he was representing in a criminal matter. Ira S. Mayo has been ordered to appear in court by the Statewide Grievance Committee to answer the claims, The Connecticut Law Tribune reported last week.

The Committee found that there was “convincing evidence” that even after the complainant, Marissa A. Humphrey, had asked Mayo to stop his advances, he persisted and even suggested that she could “work off” her legal fees. He isn’t even making the usual pretence of having done nothing wrong. In a September 2004 joint stipulation Mayo acknowledged that his client could have “reasonably and objectively perceived his conduct as sexual in nature”. He also admitted that his conduct had, funnily enough, harmed the attorney-client relationship.

Sleeping partners revealed

Spain’s stockmarket regulator has declared that it will require directors of listed companies to divulge the details of their love lives, in an attempt to stop insider trading. From July, directors will have to reveal not just dealings with their spouses, but also with anyone else they have an “affectionate relationship” with.

It’s not certain how the regulator intends to enforce the directive, but it is not being well received by many players — UK publication The Guardian last week quoted Ricard Fornesa, president of the La Caixa savings bank saying the idea was “laughable”. Analysts described it as unique and El Mundo newspaper called it an “impossible stock market inquisition”. It questioned where the register of partners and lovers was to be kept and asked “what constitutional precept allows such an invasion of privacy?”