02 Lawyers offices are magically self-cleaning: Despite the inordinately large number of hours that the firm's numerous employees put in at Crane, Poole & Schmidt, cleaners are never in evidence to clean up the mess. They are not present to chide senior partners for smoking stinky cigars with the office doors open to the patio and they never arrive to vacuum around illicit afterhours sex-on-desk trysts.

03 Many lawyers are mentally unstable: It is totally acceptable for lawyers to suffer from Mad Cow disease or Asperger's syndrome or Tourette's syndrome, because their mental shortcomings magically fall away when they are within four metres of a Judge's gavel. Just like in the real world.

04 Lawyers are allowed to have sex in their offices: This is clearly true because it is inconceivable that such top-tier firms would not have closed-circuit camera security, yet no-one appears to be reprimanded for desktop, carpet-scuffing, or tea-room-benchtop sexual assignations.

05 Junior lawyers do all the legwork: Yep, those trusty juniors toil for hours on research and documentation and the firm's stars take credit for the work, garner all the accolades and don't give credit where it's due. Oh, hang on, that bit's not from the telly.

- Wendy Beecroft

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