01 Despite having massive offices all to themselves, lawyers don't mind doing numbers one and two within two feet of each other. Nor do they seem to mind if other lawyers peek over the cubicle doors while seeking significant others or vital clues to a legal victory.
02 Really average-looking guys get to go out with foxes at law firms: Really hot chicks like Portia de Rossi like really strange guys and despite their dazzling courtroom displays of brilliance, are dumbfoundingly thick when it comes to choosing whose briefs to get into.
03 Lawyers imagine people and things who are not there: Ally McBeal has no qualms about leaving the real world, but the other lawyers have a genetic inability to recognise hallucinating people. Lawyers, therefore, are well-suited to defend heavy LSD users.
04Trans-sexuals and crossdressers are welcomed at law firms: Nary a brow is raised when characters with colourful and confusing dress-sense and sexual orientation are at the law offices. This is because in real-life lawyers are open-minded, empathetic and accepting.
05 All lawyers can sing and dance: After a few drinks, unlike other people, lawyers become fabulous singers and belt out a tune with a stage presence Tina Turner would die for. Lawyers, therefore, should be plied with alcohol at all social functions and encouraged to do karaoke.
- Wendy Beecroft