Speaking at a Clayton Utz event, Ms Haydar, alongside long-time friend and Clayton Utz lawyer Miriam Makki, explored domestic and family violence in Australia and shared how the law and policymakers can begin to drive real change.

Ms Haydar started her domestic violence advocacy journey in 2017 and said she was inspired by “the disempowerment that people feel when moving through the legal system”. This followed the murder of her mother by her father and her own journey as a victim in the Australian legal system.

“[I asked myself] how do I make sure that my frustration and my anger and my mum’s story and the things that didn’t come out at trial get spoken about? And how do I contribute to being part of the solution now that I’ve had that experience? When you experience the courtroom as a victim, it becomes a very different space – because before that, I was working in commercial litigation and the courtroom was a space in which I felt empowered and where I felt that I understood what was happening and what the likely consequences were going to be,” she said.

“I could be really detached from the outcome. Whereas when it becomes a personal experience, it’s very different. And despite having the privilege of a legal education and of literacy and of being able to navigate complicated systems, the privilege of being able to understand the complicated outcomes and explain them to my family members, I still found that when I was being cross-examined the most difficult, intimidating and retraumatising aspect of my experience.”

The pair spoke following the unfurling of The Lost Petition outside of Parliament House, a 30-meter-long list of women and children who lost their lives as a result of domestic violence since 2008.

The fabric artwork, created by Narrm/Melbourne-based artist Dans Bain, contains 978 names written by hand and pulled from research conducted by anti-violence advocate Sherele Moody.

Due to the #MeToo movement being founded in 2006 and gaining momentum in the years following, in 2015, cases like Ms Haydar’s mother’s murder were making front-page news – something which hadn’t previously been the case.

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“There had been a shift owing to a lot of the agitation that was taking place by feminists and other advocates and family members and a lot of people coming together to share what they knew about [domestic violence] and make it a priority and put it on the national agenda,” Ms Haydar explained.

“Then, in 2018, we had that moment where people started to talk a little more publicly about sexual harassment and the ways in which all forms of gender-based violence and abuse are interrelated and exist on a continuum. And my story was situated within that broader situation.”

Ms Haydar began by learning from others and volunteering on the board of her local women’s health centre, where she was able to contribute her knowledge and legal skills, as well as learn from those who had been advocating for years prior.

“One of the things I’ve learnt is that in every industry, where we interact with other people who are going through a difficult time, we need to have some understanding of how trauma affects the way people communicate, the way they remember things, the way they respond to instructions,” she said.  

“Currently, we don’t have laws that respond to all types of emotional and psychological abuse. So, women don’t think to report gaslighting that’s been happening for months – that link hasn’t been made to the point where it’s common knowledge that that’s abuse. And the law doesn’t quite have a framework to respond to those things.”

In terms of creating a system that is victim-centric, Ms Haydar said that policies and systems need to be in place to take into account different identities and cultures – and the way in which we respond to them.

“We do need to identify those aspects of people’s identities which exacerbate their experiences – and which should shape the way in which we respond,” she said.

“I believe in having trauma-informed, culturally-specific services that allow caseworkers and social workers and first responders to actually respond to an individual’s needs and empower them on their terms, rather than imposing what should be done. Because what works for one woman might be very different from the next.”

Just as important, however, is that Ms Haydar’s story is not used to drive increased Islamophobic stereotypes or further stigmatise Arab men.

“Muslim women often find themselves in a double bind, where you want to speak out and address sexism, but at the same time, you want to speak out and address racism – and when you do one, you make yourself a target for the other. And it’s really important that we begin to carve out these spaces where this conversation can happen,” she added.

“And hopefully, by beginning to have this conversation in this way, more people will feel that they can connect and get involved and participate.”