She knows it’s hurting her partnership prospects, but she doesn’t know how to change. She finds it incredibly frustrating, but speaking up still feels too frightening.

I know exactly how she feels. When I returned to private practice after five years in-house, I felt the same way. I would sit in meetings, wanting to participate but unsure whether what I was going to say was exactly right. It felt safer to stay silent than to risk saying something wrong – or worse, something stupid.

Of course, not all women lawyers feel this way. Many are confident and determined to make partner – and they go for it. Yet, in many Western jurisdictions, where women outnumber men among law graduates and junior associates, men still dominate at partnership level.

One major – but often overlooked – factor is anxiety. Many women quietly disqualify themselves from the partnership track because they are afraid. Afraid of exposure. Afraid of not being good enough. Afraid they won’t bring in enough business.

This anxiety is costing women dearly – and costing law firms the talent they need to thrive.

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Why this matters

Despite a growing backlash against diversity and inclusion (D&I) programs, many law firms still recognise that gender-balanced leadership boosts profitability. They understand the value of demographic and cognitive diversity – but often miss the invisible barriers preventing it.

Sexism is still alive in law firms, though not always recognised by those who don’t experience it. One woman was told by a judge, “Let her speak – she’s cute.” Another was laid off during COVID-19 because her male colleagues “had families to support” – despite being her family’s main breadwinner. A male partner once remarked of a woman peer: “There’s something about her that’s just not right.” His colleague agreed, “She’s just not one of us.”

So, yes, sexism is still a problem – but so is anxiety.

Supporting women to manage anxiety isn’t just a D&I gesture – it’s good business. Building confidence benefits the lawyers, their firms, and their clients.

Perfectionism and fear of failure

When I returned to private practice, I found it terrifying. Clients were high-profile and demanding, and I felt pressure to have all the answers. I told myself that if I didn’t make partner, I’d failed. If I wasn’t completely sure of what I wanted to say, I said nothing at all.

When I did make mistakes – and I made plenty – I was devastated. I’d lie awake at night, replaying every misstep. I often cried in frustration.

I share this because many women – and some men – feel the same way. When I bring women lawyers together, they’re relieved to know they’re not alone.

Shame is one of the most painful emotions. It makes us want to disappear. To avoid it, many of us stay silent.

We crave external validation – it’s human. However, too much reliance on it can drive extreme perfectionism, especially in high-pressure legal environments. That shows up in women lawyers as:

• Working long hours but neglecting relationship-building.

• Discounting billable hours out of guilt.

• Avoiding public speaking or client events.

• Staying silent in meetings.

• Not building visibility within the firm.

The result? They become invisible. They miss out on promotion. Their firms miss out on their talent.

What can be done?

There are no quick fixes – but confidence and resilience can be built. Here’s how:

1. Pinpoint the real trigger

Start by noticing when anxiety arises. Is it constant, or linked to specific situations or people?

C, for example, realised her anxiety flared up only around one particular partner. He once asked her to lead a client meeting with no prep time, then later hijacked a meeting she’d prepared for. She felt ashamed – until she recognised it wasn’t her anxiety, but his poor leadership. Once she raised it with him, his behaviour changed.

2. Reframe risk as excitement

Think of risk as a coin. One side is fear; the other is excitement. You won’t know the outcome until you flip it. Both feelings show you care. Focus on the excitement before acting. If things go wrong, feel the disappointment – don’t suppress it. Acknowledging emotions helps them pass.

3. Challenge the catastrophe story

Ask yourself: How bad would it really be if I got this wrong? You might not sound like a seasoned partner – yet – but chances are, you’ll say something worthwhile. And if not? You can always follow up. Most worst-case scenarios exist only in our heads.

4. Use your imagination to ground yourself

Visualisation can help reduce anxiety. A simple technique: locate the fear in your body and accept it. Don’t fight it. Just notice it. That alone can take away some of its power.

5. Step into the fear – on purpose

Growth often feels like walking off a cliff. But fear doesn’t mean stop – it means you’re expanding. Acknowledge it. Then act.

6. Back your own judgment

Confidence isn’t about always being right. It’s about trusting your perspective – and acting on it. Your voice matters. Say what you think, even if others might disagree.

7. Practice in small doses

We expect to be brilliant in high-stakes moments without practice. But confidence is built incrementally. Start small: speak in low-risk meetings, ask a question, suggest an idea. Each moment is a chance to build muscle.

8. Value your time – and bill for it

Don’t undercharge because you think you worked “too slowly”. You’re still learning. Your time has value – charge for it. And remember: many male lawyers bill every second – and sometimes more than that.

Conclusion

Anxiety at work is normal. It shows we’re growing, stretching, and taking risks. A workplace without anxiety would be flat and unchallenging. And it’s not just a women’s issue – nor a weakness.

What matters is how we respond to it.

Law firms must recognise that many women lawyers experience far more anxiety than they show – and addressing it is not about lowering standards. It’s about unlocking potential. Leaders must adapt their approach to the individuals they manage. And women lawyers must find ways to manage anxiety before it manages them.

Cecilia Poullain is a Paris-based coach for women lawyers.

Lawyers Weekly will host the Partner Summit on Thursday, 12 June 2025 at The Star, Sydney, at which speakers will address the range of opportunities and challenges for partners and partners-equivalent, provide tips on how they can better approach their practice and team management, and propel their businesses towards success. Click here to book your tickets – don’t miss out! For more information, including agenda and speakers, click here.