Online dating website eHarmony is loving legal eagles, producing a list of 15 Reasons to Date a Lawyer.
Aimed at convincing desperate daters of why they absolutely should date a lawyer, the list artfully describes some extremely unpleasant people.
Despite the fact lawyers are often voted the most-hated profession, the list puts a positive spin on some legal-makers’ soul-sucking qualities.
Reason number eight on the list: Lawyers are very experienced negotiators and excel at conflict resolution.
Considered with a hint of reality, this might read: Lawyers are naturally argumentative people and would rather spend the whole night debating than making out.
Immersed in a profession that values rationality over emotion, those are desirable characteristics in practising law but much less useful for developing and practicing intimacy.
As Annabel Bowen pointed out in her Golden Gavel address this year entitled Marriage equality: I’m not a bigot, but lawyers shouldn’t be allowed to marry other lawyers: “Lawyers are sceptical, narcissistic perfectionists who need to be competitive at all times.
“Law is the only profession besides boxing and other violent sports where we’re actually required and encouraged to fight with each other,” said Bowen.
“Lawyers embody marriage-straining qualities and are, at best, insufferable.”
This insight makes eHarmony’s reason number 13, Lawyers are eloquent, articulate and very insightful when it comes to reading another person’s character, sound like it was certainly written by a lawyer.
Reason number nine: Like to debate? Your date is always up for that type of challenge, appears suddenly unattractive when you consider that, as the mate of a lawyer, everything you say and do will be subjected to detailed analysis and an onslaught of allegations.
If that’s what you want, as Above the Law adeptly points out, perhaps you need a dominatrix, not a solicitor.
Tip number one: Quoting your date will make you sound smarter, is a ridiculous statement; doing this will make you sound like a jerk, with no brain at all.
eHarmony has done well here though, to appeal to somewhat pathetic individuals wanting to brag to friends that they have a “better” life partner with a “better” job than they do.
Folklaw’s favourite part of this list is the ensuing Facebook comments, many from real-life lawyers, whose lives revolve around billable hours, just as much as open-bar invitations (Reason number seven).
“This has to be a joke . . . financial stability is listed as a reason!” says one comment; “Obviously they are joking because there is no mention of a great set of teeth, a prominent dorsal fin and the need to keep swimming in order to stay alive!” another reads.
Reason number 11 does offer some thought-provoking advice and a real motive for dating a lawyer: There will be plenty of free legal pads lying around – what a turn on.
All Folklaw can deduce from this ludicrous list is that those who compiled it have never met a real-life lawyer...