Ms Jefford began her career focusing on family law and family violence before starting her own firm and becoming an egg donor, then subsequently becoming a surrogate.

“Now, my entire practice is surrogacy law and donor conception, family creation law. So that’s really interesting, very different from divorce and family violence law. So, I’ve been doing that for about five or six years now,” she said.

“And during that time, I also delivered a baby as a surrogate four years ago, so she’s just turned four, for two dads here in Melbourne. And that was amazing, but it has really informed my practice because I then went on to create a surrogacy podcast, and I wrote a book about surrogacy, and my clients come to me and we talk not just about the law, but about their experience of surrogacy and donor conception.”

After having her first child through IVF and her second naturally, Ms Jefford began researching egg donation as she knew she was fertile – then decided that whilst she didn’t want a third child of her own, she still wanted to carry a baby, which led her down the path of surrogacy.

“So, we met the intended parents, who were a gay couple who obviously needed a surrogate, and started discussing it with them. And actually, one of the first questions I asked them was who do they vote for, and when they said, ‘Greens,’ I was like, ‘All right. Our values might be aligned if we both vote Greens’,” she said.

“We carried for them, and we went through the process here in Victoria. And she’s actually conceived from my egg. So, she is genetically related to me and related genetically to one of her dads. And it was amazing, one of the best things I’ve ever done. I get to still be in her life, but I don’t need to worry about all the nappy changes and the toddler tantrums and everything else that goes with parenting.

“And she has a connection with us. So, I’m still auntie Sarah. We still see each other all the time. We were at her birthday party not long ago. And it’s very much more now about her growth as a person than my experience as the person who carried her. So, she will always have that connection with us and know who I am and be able to come and talk to me and ask questions. And she has a connection with my kids. So, it’s all very much out in the open, but I don’t feel any pull to parent her.”

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In terms of being a surrogate herself, there have been a number of takeaways Ms Jefford has been able to apply to her legal practice.

“What I saw when I first started looking into surrogacy was that there was a real lack of freely available information and community education around how surrogacy worked, and not just the legal process but also around the relationships and what was expected between the surrogates and the intended parents because it’s a lifelong experience. And coming from it from the perspective of a family lawyer, we might not like the people that we made a baby with, we might have a divorce, but we still need to be focused on the child’s best interests. And that also applies to surrogacy.

“You’re essentially entering a new, lifelong relationship with people who are not your lifelong partner. So, for example, if the intended parents and I had a big fallout and didn’t like each other anymore, we actually still have to have a relationship because their daughter and I are connected and she’s connected with my children. When relationships are falling apart, it’s often mismatched expectations. And in some ways, commercial surrogacy is because it’s a transaction, it can be easier to navigate than altruistic surrogacy, where we actually have to have a relationship ongoing for the rest of the child’s life because there is no transfer of money in that circumstance,” she explained.

“So, the other thing I found when I gave birth, in particular, was everybody wanted to hear my story about how it feels to give a baby away, and are you connected to her and do you still see her? And [what I found was that] there’s a lot of power in story sharing and telling, that we can support each other by sharing a story and connecting in those ways.”

The transcript of this podcast episode was slightly edited for publishing purposes. To listen to the full conversation with Sarah Jefford, click below:

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