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Reeling from the tragedy of his wife’s untimely death, barrister Paul Folino Gallo used writing to process his grief. Along the way, he learnt how crucial empathy and community can be in law.
Content warning: This story contains insights that may be distressing to some. Discretion is advised.
During an annual family trip, Elysha Folino Gallo woke up and asked her husband, a barrister with Third Floor Wentworth Chambers, to call for an ambulance because she was having difficulty breathing. Five days later, she succumbed to complications from influenza A.
In an emotional episode of The Lawyers Weekly Show, Paul Folino Gallo said his wife was a successful business owner, a wonderful partner with a “magnetic personality”, and a “nurturing and caring mother” to their young sons, Giorgio and Valentino.
When his boys started to lose some of the finer details, including the way Elysha laughed, Folino Gallo sat down to record them all.
“Part of the process for me was documenting those details and moments, as well as the moments the boys were experiencing over those 12 months [after her death],” Folino Gallo said.
“It was really an exercise in trying to document and preserve those aspects of that time, as well as documenting the love their father had for their mother. The culmination of that was ultimately something that looked broadly like a manuscript and then, shortly thereafter, after a few conversations, took on a life of its own.”
The process of writing his book, Remembering Elysha, also gave Folino Gallo a way to “put words to something that I still hadn’t got my head around emotionally”, he told host Jerome Doraisamy.
On top of being a cathartic experience, it also gave him the chance to teach his sons emotional engagement, particularly given that men are often “still too reticent to open up and engage with one another”.
The “siloed” environment of the Bar lent itself to navigating tough legal problems but could also be isolating; however, Folino Gallo said many colleagues showed up to ease his transition back to work.
“It was no more than a gesture of a hand on a shoulder without accompanying words … an act of solidarity. Someone picking up the phone and saying, ‘Paul, that matter or that mention we had … don’t worry about it, it’s been taken care of’,” Folino Gallo said.
“Those small mercies ended up making that transition a lot easier.”
In the wake of losing Elysha, Folino Gallo said he also came to find that humanity “plays such a large role in what we do”.
“We’re in the business of people as much as we are in the law business. It’s great to be able to find legal answers to things, but there are also two other key ingredients, which are pragmatism … and the level of depth with which I’ve been able to connect with clients,” he said.
Folino Gallo said he has also come to “better appreciate” that members of the legal community should approach each other with empathy, noting the reality is “we don’t necessarily understand what someone has gone through in any given day”.
He shared that it’s easy to look at each other in a “two-dimensional way” or dismiss a person if they have spoken tersely in court – but the person behind it all could be navigating their own grief.
“It’s certainly been a very difficult lesson in being empathetic and also appreciating that, when met with anger, with frustration, there might be a story behind it that I am naive to,” Folino Gallo said.
Listen to more of Paul’s story here.
Help is available via Lifeline on 13 11 14 and Beyond Blue at 1300 22 4636. Each law society and bar association also has further contacts available on their respective websites.
